The boy-toys could stay – Pirate Lego and Mighty Max – but the Polly Pockets and Disney dolls had to go. I was frequently told how much my dad loved me, but, like a magician, he had this wonderful way of hiding it.ĭaren had made me gather up all my “girl” toys and put them in a box when I was sent to live with him. My mama and aunty cared for me, as did my father – although I find it strange to mention Daren and “care” in the same sentence. Mum went to Turkey and, although she insists the plan was always to work out there for the summer, I was never sure she was coming back. ![]() By nine I was beyond control and was sent to live with my dad. When I was very small my mum was tactile and warm and everything you want a mother to be, but she had her own problems and one of those was me. I was often “difficult” and occasionally violent and it must have been challenging for my parents – they didn’t have information about what to do with a child like me. A few years later I wore borrowed tights to school and used the girls’ toilets. When kids asked me why I “speak like a girl”, I’d tell them: “Maybe this is just how I talk.” I was beaten up a lot. I’d understand when I was older, apparently. Adults weren’t keen on me saying it, either, and I soon got the message that I wasn’t (and never could be) a girl – I had a penis and that was that. They hadn’t believed me they’d just laughed. I’m a girl, I’d told them, though I didn’t say it out loud again. “He’s only four, he doesn’t know what he’s saying!” That’s how my friend Emma, only eight herself, defended me from the older boys in the park. ![]() ![]() I have served as assistant editor of Gay Times, debuted as both Channel 4 and Radio 1’s first transgender presenter, fronted a successful awareness-raising campaign, All About Trans, topped the Independent on Sunday’s Pink List, partied with celebs, brightened up Question Time, travelled the country, spoken everywhere from Oxford University to Amnesty International, and written for the Telegraph, NME and the Guardian. He’s slightly in awe of my life today and, to be honest, so am I. He used to call me names and hit me on the way home from school, but we’re friends now. I’ve just got off the phone with one of my childhood bullies.
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